It doesn't matter

The three of you who faithfully check my blog even though I rarely post already know that our house is for sale. This has been an unexpected journey through fear, uncertainly, and restlessness for me. I never imagined myself to be a fearful person, but God has used this process to root out some things in me that I would have been much more comfortable leaving buried (although we both know that God's goal is not to make us more comfortable but more holy, which eternally benefits us but it doesn't feel good right now!).

When our For Sale sign went up, so did my peace of mind...in smoke.

What if it doesn't sell and the market takes a dive and we can't sell for years?
What if it doesn't sell until school starts?
What if we can't move, and we are faced with living far away from our church? However can we really have the biblical community we long for for ourselves and our children if we live so far away?
What if we have to find a different church? We love the one we've found, and we really do feel like the Lord led us there.
What if we can't find a place to live that we can afford?
What if what if what if.

I realized a couple of weeks ago that I was NOT okay with our house not selling. This was a BIG RED FLAG. What if God's will is for us to stay put? Am I okay with that?

What about God's will, Julie? Don't you trust that God is in control? Yes.
Don't you know that God is in control of the real estate market? Yes.
Don't you know that God knows that we have four kids and that moving during school will be harder? Yes.
Don't you trust that God has given you these desires for biblical community, and that He cares more about the spiritual nurture of your family than you do? Yes.
Don't you trust that God will provide for your family's needs, no matter where you are? Yes.

Then why am I afraid? Because I know that God doesn't always do for us what seems best to us. Sometimes He plans things for us that are uncomfortable, and sometimes downright difficult. I don't want my life to be difficult. I want it to be easy.

But I must face this sin: Am I living for Him, or for me? Am I willing to serve and follow Him, as long as it is comfortable for me? Am I willing to follow Him into valleys, trusting that the strong hand leading me will never fail or leave me alone? My anxieties, I'm afraid, are revealing that I am way too committed to myself and not to Him.

I certainly don't have all the answers for dealing with this, but I did pick up a book I have enjoyed so far called Running Scared, fear, worry and the God of rest by biblical counselor Ed Welch. I am planning to work through this book and looking forward to being encouraged to pursue the Lord through these struggles.

I also keep reviewing a phrase that I read somewhere, maybe from Elisabeth Elliot. She talked about being "indifferent in the will of God." Basically, we should be so committed to Him, so sure of His love and care, and so desiring for our lives to bring Him glory, that we simply don't care what He does with us. We know He will walk with it through us. We know that following Him will bring immeasurably more joy than walking in our own way, and we just want to bring Him glory. It doesn't matter to us what He plans and ordains, because we know that "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

So, I am trying to keep my eyes on Him and not on our schedule of showings, and praying for my desire to glorify Him to increase, and my desire to serve my own desires, even if they seem like good ones, to diminish a bit. It struck me the other day that God can resurrect someone from the dead to buy our house. It's SO not an issue for Him. I know He's much more concerned about my heart being happy in Him, trusting Him, and not worrying about tomorrow.

Mercy

I have a homeless friend that I met through FBC Parker, and I have had the privilege of taking her around to try to get her state ID and to the Dollar Tree and various other things. When I first started doing this, I was eager to treat her to a meal, even if it was just McDonald's. I was excited about letting her order the most expensive meal on the menu, and wanted her to enjoy it. I was feeling merciful. I was so struck by the thought that the Lord's mercy toward me is similar, so I thought. I was totally undeserved, His enemy, not able to contribute anything to Him or give Him anything at all. I was dead and hopeless, and then He reached out in love toward me and saved me. We are ALL like this, my friend, myself, and every human except Christ Jesus who has ever lived.

As the weeks and months went by, I realized that my "mercy" was indeed not quite up to par with the mercy of the Almighty (imagine that?). I realized this a few weeks ago on another of our McDonald's visits. There we were, laptop on the table to help my friend submit some online job applications. I pre-packed PBJ for all of us and thought we could just buy something off of the dollar menu, one for each of us, so that would be $6 plus tax...seemed like a good way to be a good steward of my money. We had eaten out so much lately that I wanted to save a little! And I figured that of course the kids and my friend would all be okay with PBJ and we could look forward to a treat from the dollar menu. Well...

It didn't go so well. She HATES jelly, she informed me. And it is too difficult for her to chew peanut butter on bread. She was not interested in my thrifty idea. So, no problem (inward growl), I will buy her a meal and the rest of us will stick to the game plan. A cheeseburger isn't too pricey, right? Well, she wanted a salad meal...only the most expensive meal on the menu (it seemed to me). So I shuffled up to the counter to order, spending half of my money on my friend and the other half on the other 5 of us (grumble, grumble).

Thankfully, when I returned to the table with our food, I needed to take the kids to wash their hands, and the Lord graciously spoke to my heart as we were hand-washing.
The Holy Spirit brought to mind these phrases from Scripture: "His mercy endures forever" and "His mercies never come to an end."

These verses convicted me so much. My mercy had waned. It was almost non-existent, actually. But His doesn't wane. His mercy endures. Even in the face of our blatant sin - our mis-understanding of His greatness and power and goodness - He is still merciful. We take His gifts without giving Him the praise due Him, and He keeps giving to us anyway. We reject His ways and try to arrange our life how we'd rather have it, and He continues to pursue us, continues to help us see His faithfulness, continues to reassure us that He loves us. He is so merciful and He will continue in His mercy. His mercy won't end. His mercy won't wane for His children.

I returned to the table with a totally different attitude toward my friend and her desired salad meal. How much I needed to learn! I was ashamed of my previous attitude, and hopeful that it hadn't shown through my face and body language to my friend. Please don't read into this that my friend was ungrateful for what I had given her in the past. She always seems grateful and appreciative, which even more highlights the difference between my limited mercy and the enduring, unfailing mercy of God towards ungrateful me.

This was a powerful experience for me in understanding God's mercy. I pray that my sinful heart will grow in this as the Lord continues to show this undeserving sinner His great mercy.

Ash and Jenn

A wonderful blessing of our trip to Asia was the time I was able to be around two mothers: Ash and Jenn. As God made us to live in a community and not in isolation, I really felt the benefit of living alongside these ladies while on our trip. There is no influence like the one that is constantly there, visible day in day out, in the midst of all the inconveniences in life. I believe that we can hardly spur one another on toward love and good deeds if we only see one another a couple of hours a week for a church service. So I was very encouraged and blessed by the constant good examples these two were for me, and I pray that their graces have rubbed off on me a little. (Lord, PLEASE work in me the way You have in them!)

These two young women will definitely be first to say that they are sinners like everyone else, and if I saw something good in them, it is because of God's work in their hearts and lives and not because of their own efforts and goodness. And I definitely want to reiterate those truths...this is the Lord's doing.

With that said, I want to recall a few things that I noticed about them that were so helpful for me. First, the way they spoke to their children was perpetually calm and kind. They were sweet. They were enthusiastic. I clearly remember one afternoon feeling the dull, sleepy tug on my energy and hearing Ash's joyful voice greeting her preschooler who just walked in the room with a smile and energetic hello and hug. How could he not know his mother's love and care for him!?!

When you are with a family with young children for more than a few hours, you inevitably witness the children doing something that is...disobedient. And watching these parents respond was helpful because they were so matter-of-fact. Hearing Jenn (and Bill, too!) speak to Katherine in those moments was priceless, because they were so calm. Even while she was crying in protest and refusing to obey (even if just for a moment - she's a sweet and obedient little girl most of the time!), they would not show any signs of frustration or irritation with her.

The day we left Cambodia, Kris and I were scurrying around to finish packing and Jenn (remember that she had a 6 week old baby!) was preparing lunch for all 9 of us not counting Isaac (after church, and the electricity had been off all morning, so the easy crock pot method was out and it was Plan B). We were a little pressed for time because we needed to eat and then head to Phnom Penh. The kids were playing around the house (think lots of laughing, stomping, noise!), and she was trying to cook and keep them out of the kitchen, but Daniel and Katherine seemed to toddle in there time and again. Not only that, but Daniel would help himself to water and spill it. But she never raised her voice. She was never impatient. She kindly and calmly corralled them out time and again. I was so encouraged. I was encouraged because it revealed to me that God is able to give us this kind of patience. I know Jenn is human, but seeing her ability to deal with this (I am sure I would have been rude or flustered!) helped me realize that it is POSSIBLE! Nothing is impossible with God!

Watching these moms kindly and calmly train their children was so helpful. I realized that I often stress out that my kids "aren't there yet" in a certain area. I desperately need to relax and be more laid back about the discrepancy between my standard and and their performance. I remember Mrs. Judy (my former pastor's wife, in heaven a year now) saying that kids shouldn't be expected to be little soldiers, performing according to commands given with flawless precision. Instead, we should see our job as parents as directing them down a path, pointing them in the right way and constantly helping them along. I think Ash and Jenn do such a great job of this. And I haven't even mentioned how precious their little ones are and what a delight they are to be around.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Ash and Jenn, for giving our family the opportunity to live with you guys for a short time! You are treasured friends!

Thank you so much, Father, for taking care of me and giving me this gift of two blessed mothers to help me learn and grow as a mother myself. You have shown me Your goodness not only by giving me this experience, but also by reminding me that it was You all along that strengthened and taught these women. And you are with me too, and will never leave me nor forsake me.

Beautiful Snow

We awoke yesterday morning to a inch or two of snow adding its sparkling enchantment to our little world. It was a lost cause trying to tiptoe around, hoping to finish my coffee and Bible reading before the kids woke up. As soon as Anna shifted in her bed and glanced through her blinds, she boisterously tramped into her brother's room excitedly announcing the great news...it SNOWED! And it kept snowing all day long. Not just a sprinkling of flakes, but it snowed clumps; big clumps of snow fell all day. It was so fun. The kids couldn't wait to get outside to romp in it, and they attempted the construction of several snowmen before the sun went down.
Today, the snow remained, and even this evening our yard and roof are covered.


The view from the front door


The view from the back door - check out the deck railing!


Our neighbors made this amazing snowman.




The boys threw more than their share of snow balls at each other


Another snowman


Watchout Daddy!

Remember...

These are a few of the things we want to remember happening on our trip or after it.

"Katherine, what did you dream about last night?"
"Blankie." (She always says this!)

The week after our trip, at Hobby Lobby, upon sighting the tulle: "Mom! Look! They have mosquito nets here!"

Blaring loudspeakers with eerie songs and chants in the dark of the night

6 HUGE spiders

Thomas stepped on a nail we had to pull out of his foot. His foot recovered well and he was brave. Yea for Tetanus shots!

The first wedding we attended, post-trip, Daniel says, "Are we gonna have rice?"
"No, just cake at this wedding."

You must say "coke - aaaah, cole - aaaah" (short a for aaaah) to get a Coke. Coca-cola just won't work.

Riding the bicycles through the busy traffic of TJ behind Ashley

Thomas' HUGE bites(?) on his neck. Blood red and lasting for days, his skin peeled off and they were still visible a month later. (What was that, anyway?)

"I NEED seaweed!" (Katherine asking in her two-year-old way for one of her favorite snacks)

The humongous biting millipede (If you are bitten, "You gonna cry all day and all night!")

Hanging laundry in the sun, and then 10 minutes later, ants ants ants! - How did they get there?

The dog that went crazy when he saw the big teeth I carried to teach with.

The jaw bone that lay on the grass one morning on our way to the church

Chickens roaming in the yard

The scene at DFW while we were in the immigration line: the flight attendants walked up after they finished cleaning out the plane, and I saw that Thomas' yellow Duckie was with them. At sight of it, I jumped the lines and walked the 15 yards to them to retrieve the cherished lovie. But Thomas didn't know he had left Duckie behind. When he took in the scene and figured out what happened, it was more than he could handle, and he burst into loud tears. He was comforted when finally in possession of Duckie again. That was way too close!

Home Sweet Home

The day we left Prek Ambel, we woke up to the loudspeaker blaring traditional Khmer music. As soon as a person dies, Buddhist families hire a loudspeaker and musicians and monks to begin a scheduled broadcasting of music, chants, and speeches in honor of the deceased. There is a certain schedule they follow, and they do this for about 7 days, and then again on the 10th day, and then again on the 100th day. If you are unfortunate enough to live next door or close by, and the person dies at 1:20am, you will be rather tired in the morning. This happened to us on our trip!
The morning we left Prek Ambel, the person must have passed away around 5:20am, which wasn't too bad of a time. And then, because the electricity went out at 7:00am, the back-up battery didn't last too long and they weren't able to continue with their noise pollution. Around 7:30, the water also went off. This was humorous to us, as it gave us a realistic last impression of how life can be in Prek Ambel.

Since this was a Sunday, Chheng had to preach without the sound system since there was no power. The fans also, of course, were useless, so we were extra sticky for the worship service. It was all a blessing, truly.

The Hales took us to Phnom Pehn, where we enjoyed dinner together and stayed in a hotel there. The next morning they took us to the airport for our flight, and we were off. Anna was the last to catch the stomach virus we passed around the last week or two, so she was sick on the plane. We found that Asian flight attendant service is excellent, and that God gives so much grace to us to take care of those "worse case scenarios" without it being a big deal. We worry about the "what ifs," but if they actually happen, God helps us! They aren't as bad as we imagined!

We arrived safely back home on Tuesday morning and my parents picked us up at DFW. We are so very thankful to the Lord for granting us so many travel mercies, and helping us even in ways we may never know. We had a great return trip!

We are so grateful to everyone who prayed for us! Thank you for all your words of encouragement.

As we climb into our soft beds without lizards roaming the roof, and as I load my washer and dryer and within a couple of hours have a complete load clean, as we turn up the heat in our temperature-controlled house, and as we drive by McDonalds, Chick-Fil-A, and order pizza, we remember our dear friends the Hales, who so generously lent us their home this past month. They returned from dropping us off at the airport to the same scene: no A/C, hanging clothes to dry on the fence, no pizza delivery, no fast food of any sort within an hour from their home, sometimes no electricity and water for a time, blaring loudspeakers in the middle of the night - they live there for the sake of the gospel of Christ. They are seeking the things above, where Christ is, and they so clearly are reminded every day that their home is not in this world.

What a blessing it has been to be reminded of that. As we savor the conveniences of this great country where we live, we want so much to remember those who labor for the glory of Christ in hard-to-live-places. He does not forget the things they have given up for His sake. We want to be willing to sacrifice for His sake too.

Jesus said, "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first." Mark 10:29-31

Sihanoukville

From Sre Treng, we travelled onward to the beach at Sihanoukville, which is right on the Gulf of Thailand. We arrived late in the afternoon and the kids couldn't wait to dig in the sand. So we headed out, clothes and all. The beach has trees all along it, and not too far out you can see green mountains with steep slopes rising up on small islands.






Bill is saying, "Do you feel the sand between your toes? Do feel how it moves when the waves come? That's why the Bible says we shouldn't build our house upon the sand..."


My diggers






The next day we played all morning in the sand


Anna worked hard on her castle and moat.




We buried Katherine and Thomas!

Sre Treng

We rose at 4:30am on the 6th and jumped in the car to head to Sre Treng. We arrived just before 9am and many of the church members had gathered for a service. They planned this just for our visit, and the pastor, Ngan, asked Bill to preach. Bill preached for the first time in Khmer, and it was a nice service. Since the rice harvest is over in this rural farming community, the people have much more free time, so it was not difficult for them to find time for a church service on Wednesday morning. Afterward they served us a delicious lunch with chicken, noodles, rice, and a couple of soups on the floor of the church. The men visited for a while, and the kids explored the grounds. We all had a good time, and we were very glad to climb back into the car and run the A/C full blast when it was over. Hot and happy, we headed to the beach next.

Here are the pics from our visit to Sre Treng:


A group that Ngan heard about and contacted built this beautiful new church building in Sre Treng. This ministry evidently provides funds for constructing church buildings for churches that provide a reasonable estimate of the cost and agree to finish the job. This building stands just beside the old church building. (Katherine and Daniel are running in the foreground).


Looking away from the church and the long driveway, this coconut tree bridge marks the entrance to the driveway. The Hale's car is parked at the house across the street, and we walked across.


Bill and some church members waiting outside.


This is the old church building. The service took place upstairs, and then underneath was the meal and fellowship spot.


The front yard of the church, facing away from the front door.


This toddler napped on the floor at the back during the service.


Our delicious floor meal


The kids enjoyed running up and down the driveway in front (you see the church in the background).


A house beside the church driveway


On the other side of the driveway is a field


Some of the children of the church

Planting Trees and Feeding Ducks

Last Sunday afternoon, Kris and Bill enjoyed planting some fruit trees on the side of the yard, and the boys were quite eager to help.





I took the kids on the other side of the Hale's gate to the duck pond. The kids attempted to throw the bread to them and we all enjoyed the sunset.

Happy Birthday, Kris!

January 1st may be New Year's Day, but in our family, it's also Daddy's birthday. We were determined to do something special for Kris, and we definitely wanted to make him a cake, even if it is a little more difficult than normal. So, I tried...


It was moist.
It was chocolatey.
The upside down bowl had a water moat all around to keep the ants off. It worked well! (At least, you couldn't see any ants...)
There was enough cake for everyone.
Kris liked it.
The cake did not fall off the plate.
We all enjoyed it!


We bought one of the amazing, singing, flower candles/torches in China to use on Kris' cake. We finally learned how to turn off the song by cutting the wire so it wasn't singing "Happy Birthday" all night long.



Hopefully I can add the fun video of the candle soon.

A Khmer Wedding

We were invited to attend the wedding of the daughter of a church member on January 1st. In Cambodia, everyone does not attend the ceremony. Instead, the ceremony is only for a select few, and all the other guests are assigned a time to come and feast. Our time was three o' clock. We headed in the car to the ferry around 2:30.


These folks were sitting at a table sewing beads on lace. They would then sell this beaded fabric for $5 or $10 a piece. We paid them our fare for the ferry. I think Bill said it cost $0.68 for all of us for a round trip.


Here's the dock


We're ready!


No life jackets, no guard rails, but we had the peace of God!


We exited the ferry and walked for a quarter to half mile to the home of the parents of the bride. They set up a tent and speakers and served food to all their guests. This is part of the wedding tent.


Very dignified wedding guests, enjoying themselves


Everyone was hot but happy


Chheng found us and sat with us.


What would you like to drink? Soursop Juice? (That was Kris' and my favorite). Grass Jelly Drink? (That was Anna's pick, although she didn't care for the pieces of jelly that settled at the bottom.) Winter Melon Tea or Lychee Drink? The boys stuck with Orange Fanta.


Octopus or squid and shrimp. The green balls are black pepper before it turns black.


I asked Anna to show me what she thought about the squid, and she grinned. She loved it! All the kids said they loved the squid! I know that this is due to our neighbors, the Malarchers, who love squid, and it helped our children to be more adventurous and eager to try it.


Fried pork


Duck


Chicken


The extravagantly dressed bride and groom; this type of wedding attire is the custom.


The PATC students enjoying their food and fellowship


PATC students again. This picture shows the beautiful tent a little better.


The dogs eat the crumbs that fall from the table


Uninvited community children watching the feast, waiting until we are finished...


...so they can confiscate the leftovers and unused items to sell or take home


Wedding favors